Horrible, stupid, ridiculous, sies, gagga, goor and just plain bad. Here is our list of the Top 5 worst movies ever.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Disaster Movie’s self-fulfilling title is more of a disclaimer to audiences. This spoof is as funny as haemorrhoids, with half-baked pop culture references and corny first draft writing that leaves the visual gag department to fend for itself. Besides some half-decent ‘replica’ garments from the costume department, the effects are dismal.
As long as there’s a steady slew of indiscriminating spoof fanatics, these genre movies will continue to plague the Earth. Directors Jason Friedburg and Aaron Seltzer are not even Ed Wood bad, they’re only in it for the money, and are clearly the only ones laughing… on their way to the bank.
Worst bit? That moment when you realise rock bottom is as good as it gets.
Farce of the Penguins (2006)
While it’s intended to spoof the documentary March of the Penguins, the real farce at play is how America’s Funniest Home Videos host, Bob Saget, managed to get any support for this cutting room floor production. He must have some dirt on all the ‘celebrity’ voice stars, or perhaps he recorded their voices at some charity auction.
The humour is puerile, the parody is wafer-thin, the voice-overs are poor and the story is non-existent. This is one movie that is best watched on mute, or not at all. Rather gather your friends round to do your own voice-overs than listen to this low budget drivel.
Worst bit? The total loss of respect you experience for every voice “talent” you recognise.
Naked Space, formerly known as The Creature Wasn’t Nice (1981)
Mr. Rubberface himself, Leslie Nielsen, stars in this spoof that attempts to lampoon deep space sci-fi using retro spacecraft dashboards that could have been constructed from a junkyard. It’s jam-packed with throwaway performances, cheesy special effects, even cheesier sound effects and a stupid plot involving a piece of protoplasm that turns into a singing-and-dancing alien monster.
Naked Space is so atrociously bad that you will feel like you’re being brainwashed Clockwork Orange-style. It is difficult to believe that the cast did not actually conspire to make the worst movie of all-time.
Worst bit? The space crew’s reactions to seeing the monster’s claw gesturing from around a corner.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
No worst-ever movie list would be complete without including a ‘film’ from German ‘director’ Uwe Boll. The despised director, infamous for making box office flops to exploit German tax laws, reached an all-time low with this adaptation of the atmospheric video game, Alone in the Dark.
The movie title, Christian Slater, and Tara Reid are the only points of interest in a film that fails horribly in every department. The pithy script, bad acting, poor production values, ridiculous editing and ‘adaptation’ woes make this Uwe Boll’s worst film of all-time, a difficult feat when you consider his extensive collection of prize-winning turkeys that also includes BloodRayne and Blubberella.
Worst bit? Tara Reid’s co-starring role as a talking mannequin.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
John Travolta and Forest Whittaker co-star in a notoriously bad sci-fi film that frequently makes worst movie of all-time conversations. This campy schlock-fest is aggressively bad, ugly to the core, illogically plotted, poorly choreographed, badly written, rounded off by terrible acting, while loosely assembled by director Roger Christian.
Mistakenly branded as Scientology propaganda by some, Battlefield Earth cleaned up at the Razzies in its year. With lines like “I am going to make you as happy as a baby Psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango”, it’s not difficult to see how this abomination has earned its place among the worst in cinema history.
Worst bit? The bar scene featuring this absolute gem: “While you were still learning to spell your name, I was being trained to conquer galaxies”.
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